I knew there was no going back to my old self. The feelings and thoughts I had prior to becoming a mother washed away with the incoming tide of motherhood. I would never again think only of myself. I now thought and did for two.
It’s very rare, almost non-existent, that I am speechless. Within that wonderful moment of finding out I was going to be a mother, I was at a complete loss for words. My emotions took the reigns. My brain had yet to comprehend what was taking place within my womb. I was developing my son with every passing second. I was also becoming a mother at the same time.
I savored and adored my pregnancy and unborn child. I would sit for hours caressing my engorged stomach, full with new life. I talked to my son as if I had already bore him. I knew he could hear me and he would often kick me to reassure me he enjoyed our conversations. Even then, my motherly love enveloped him. I knew I would never love anyone or anything more.
When the day came that I brought my son into this world, I had given birth to a new me as well. I’ve never felt so powerful, so life giving, and so enormous in my life. Enormous in the sense that there was nothing that would ever keep me from my child. I had all the strength and courage in the world to nurture and protect my new baby.
Within moments of holding him, I memorized his scent and his movements. I could have picked him out of the nursery blindfolded if I had to. We had the bond. That impermeable mother-child bond. Never before had I felt such immaculate love and conception. I was his and he was mine. Nothing in this world could break our ties. I had created, nourished, and given life to the most beautiful little baby that I had ever seen.
My son is three now and the unconditional love I felt the moment I knew I was going to be his mother hasn’t wavered the slightest. If anything, it grows stronger everyday. I need my son just as much as he needs his mommy.
We sleep together, we laugh together, and we play together. I feel most vibrant when he is nestled in my arms at night sleeping soundly. When I gaze at his perfect face I can’t help but be overcome with emotion. Tears run down my face and I lick the salty liquid that is pure love.
Until you become a mother you never really understand the bond between mother and child. It moves mountains and plants seeds of love in everything that it touches. A mother is not a force to be reckoned with, but a gentle giant that cradles the body of the most important being on the planet.
When I hear my son call “mommy” I know angels are flying within that decibel of sound. The stream of silent, unconditional love runs to and from my son and I. He loves me, but I adore him more than life itself.